Buy
My Book
NOW!
Great Movie...
…if you are a fucking pussy. I should have known this movie would suck when I
read the premise: the Best Man takes the Groom on a week long romp through
wine country tasting various wines and golfing. Are you fucking kidding me? If my
best man tried to pull off that shit I would say, “Hey dude, that is fine that you are
gay but don’t try to turn me into a rammer.”
The Best Man ruins this movie. This guy is a thoroughly unlikable wine snob. It
isn't that the character is unbelievable. The actor does a good job of making the
character real. But just because the character is believable does not mean they
should make a movie out of this miserable dipshit. I can sum up this guy in one
word: the biggest pussy ever. He compensates for his loserness by learning about
wine and holding himself above people that drink Merlot. I shit you not; a scene
that is supposed to be funny is when he tells his buddy he will not drink Merlot to
get some pussy. A real man would drink midget snot to get some ass.
This movie did have some potential because of the Groom. He is the voice of
reason throughout the movie. At one point the little wiener actually tries to argue
with the Groom about getting some ass. The Groom even lines it all up for the
wiener with a decent blonde which of course upsets the wiener. I will give the
movie this, the Groom keeps it somewhat interesting because he keeps laying the
smack down on the pussy guy and ends up partying a little.
The groom recovers and ends up banging some fat chick and running home naked
because her husband caught them in the middle of him putting it in her ass. All this
sounds cool except they don’t show any of this; the Groom explains it to the Best
Man. This leads to a truly pathetic scene where the Groom cries and pleads with the
pussy to go back and get his wallet because it has the wedding rings inside. The
pussy relents and the only funny scene in the movie follows: the pussy sneaks into
the house and grabs the wallet while the fat husband is having fat sex with his fat wife.
At this point, I stopped watching because I had rugby practice. I saw enough to
realize this movie sucks. It pisses me off that this movie received good reviews. It
seems that when they make a movie that is different from most movies it is
automatically given the status of being a good movie. This is bullshit. A lot of people
have mid-life crisis's, they're called pussies. We don't need to see a movie about
them.
This movie sucks, you know it sucks, you just think it makes you sound sophisticated
and understanding of wine culture to say that it is a good movie.
Here is how you fix this movie: Hire someone from Lucas Arts. Use special effects
technology to superimpose Bluto (John Belushi) from Animal House over the Best
Man. Take out the scene where the Groom cries and impose the scene from Animal
House where Bluto impersonates a zit. Take Sandra Oh and have her masturbate in
front of Bluto and the Groom. Will that make it a good movie? Sandra Oh yeah it will!
better by re-editing it.
