| The other week while walking home in the frigid cold air that Washington, D.C. provides, I was thinking about how much fun it would be to have a woman to keep me warm. What I did not know at that moment was that in few days I would more than fulfill that thought. I remember it like it was yesterday (which it was), a larger woman walked into the office and introduced herself as Helga (the names have been changed to protect the guilty). She was a good looking lady of about 5’9’’ in height and 245lbs. Quite a looker! While I was not interested in her at first that quickly changed as the sun went down and the snow began to fall. The courtship started at a free alcohol event. Embarrassing stuff like this always seems to start this way. We were drinking heavily and she seemed to be coming on to me even though I was visibly staring at the young hot tail that was prancing through the party. She then invited herself to the bar that I was going to attend later that evening and I knew that my night was going to be great and warm. At this point I was still sober enough to realize what I was looking at but I was in a slump. What was a man to do? As the long time San Francisco Giant used to say, “The best way to get out of a slump is to lay down a bunt. While it is not pretty, it gets you on base.” That is exactly what I did; I turned to the pitcher and squared to bunt, and planted a big sloppy wet kiss on those Oprah Winfrey lips. Boy was it gratifying. We did not even make it to the bar. We went right over to hog heaven and I tried to move around 245lbs on a queen size bed so that I could have my fun. Now this story differs from most other fat girl sex stories because usually they do not involve co-workers. When you have to go to work the next morning in the same suit, sit next to your new love and have messed up hair besides being asked by everyone in the office why you look like shit you know that you made a mistake. The moral of this story is not that one should not bang women who are large. Oh no, it is that if you are make sure they are from the office down the hall. One truth that comes out of this is that most fat women do not keep you warm but rather hot. No need for covers on this bed. Plumper Humper is journalist for the Fart Times, Fat Girl Annon., and a contributor on farteaters. com. Do not forget to read his newly released book “Why Queefs Stink”. You can reach Mr. Humper at noyoucannot@notgonnahappen.fuku |
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| Why one should never bang the fat chick in the office! By: Plumper Humper 12/23/05 |