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	Newman Signs with Team Farteaters for Smelly Finger Cup 6/9/2006
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	6/9/2006 - After tense negotiations, Team Farteaters and Newman have agreed to terms.  Newman will be taking over the anchor roll in the Boat Race World Championship for the heralded Kyle Batten who is off in Australia. Newman was the most talented Boat Racing free agent on the market, and this will only add to the boat racing spread of Team Farteaters minus ½ (Team Farteaters finishes while Team Shocker’s anchor has ½ of a cup left).  The big question is not whether or not Newman will perform; it is whether or not he will mesh with his new teammates. While racing with Team Newman, Newman was notorious for refusing to include teammates, proudly proclaiming, “I will take you all myself”, then throwing up on himself after finishing the 5th beer.  Some claimed he should be disqualified, but the SLOBRL (San Luis Obispo Boat Racing League) allows for vomiting.  The Stinky Finger Cup World Championship rules state that if any team member vomits, their team is automatically disqualified. Newman had this to say about the vomiting issue, “That does not phase me. I have been training for this for all 7 years of studying Nutrition at Cal Poly.  I have not puked in 24 hours…blaahhhhhh…sppptt…tuuuut….make that 24 seconds.  There is no way I am puking in the World Championship!” While Team Farteaters would not release the terms of the contract, sources say that the dispute was over Newman’s signing bonus.  Newman wanted a 40 of Busch, while Team Farteaters was only willing to part with a 24-ounce Steel Reserve (aka “homeless champagne”).  Allegedly, they settled on a tin of Copenhagen and a 32-ounce Budweiser. It is rumored that Team Farteaters is now looking to sign Fisher to solidify the middle portion of their Boat Racing squad. If anybody cares to make a bet on the Stinky Finger World Championship Boat Race, you should be aware that gambling is illegal, and send an email to info@farteaters.com. Spread: Team Shocker + ½ of a cup
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7/9/06 - The Boat Race World Championships was postponed due to inclement
weather in Palo Alto.  It will now be held in San Luis Obispo on September 9th,
after the SLO 7s.  All tickets for the Palo Alto event will be redeemed there.