Story by Mark W. aka The Potato Eater
Back in my college years... when I was 26, I was also coaching the
women's university rugby team. We really sucked the first year as I had a
team that was really messed up from bull dike women stealing money from
the club a few years before and the team was not in good standing with the
university student organizations because of this.
So the first year I started with 6 girls that had some idea of what rugby was,
but never really knew how to play the game well. We had bull dike tie die
jerseys (You'll notice I wear one as warm up for game day), and about 10 or
11 girls that never played the game, but with my smooth talking I got them
to come out a play. They eventually learned the sport and really enjoyed
playing the game. They realized that this was a team of competition, and
not a place to find some lesbo-mate. Yes there were some gay players,
but they were all there to play hard and I enjoyed the success of the team
as we became national competitors after a year of hard work.
Anyway, one of the girls from the original 6 was a great girl to hang out with.
She was the back bone to making sure things were organized and would
let me know how the girls were feeling about my asshole comments during
practice and why I never comforted them when they felt scared. Her and I
would go to the gym and work out, run, play basketball or go one on one on
the raquet ball court. Well, I've truely dominated her in raquet ball beating
her each set and by at least 10 points each game.
One day she felt that she was getting better and wanted to play again. So I
accepted her challenge and we met that night for the match. I was fucking
around and not playing really hard and she beat me the first game 15-12! I
was surprised so I played a little harder the next game and beat her 15-12.
Now it's tied with one match left. She was talking major trash about how it
was sooo close and I was lucky on a few of the points.
So the last match I thought I would go all out and kick her ass. The score
was 5-1 and I faulted. I could see she was getting nervous and frustrated
so I thought I would really start talking trash big time! She served about the
same time I felt my stomach "GURGLE RUMBLE ROOAARP".... phhsst, I
cut a little silent fart.
I returned her serve and stood back to see how potent it was. I knew it was
going to be pretty nasty because a few hours before for lunch I went to the
cafeteria and they were serving some sort of mexican baked shit that was
pretty tasty and I ate a couple servings along with some ice cream and
cheese pizza. I don't think anything more foul has ever left my butt to this
date or prior to that fart!
I started to laugh and needed to share so I took her second shot and hit it
deep so she had to run through it. I could barely stand up when she ran
over and let out the biggest yelp. Kind of like the ones your dog let out when
you step on their toes in the middle of the night. She cursed me and hit me
with her racket for about a minute all while I was laughing uncontrollably.
After the beating I gathered my bearings and it was a re-do serve for her
based on interference of oxygen. I was at the front wall and she was
coming up to serve with her hand out waiting for me to give her the ball. As
I walked by handing her the ball I decided to be down right mean and lifted
my leg to fart another bomb. I giggled like a school girl on my way back to
get set.
She was standing there swearing and told me I needed to go to the doctor,
because no matter what a person eats, it should never smell that nasty.
Well, this is when it gets crazy...
As I was bending over to get set I felt a little moisture in my drawers.
"Oh no" I said.
She replies back "Oh no what?.. Did you shit your...." and then she began
to dry heave.
"Mark, there's SHIT on the floor" she says as she holds her mouth.
She was right. There in the middle of the court was a piece of shit about the
size of a Hershey Kiss. It even looked like one too. I was wearing boxers
so it must have shot out of my butt and by miracle missed all of my shorts
and leg and landed on the floor.
You would think that I would be embarassed as she was there laughing her
ass off at me now, but why be embarassed, it happened and there was
nothing I could do but see how I could clean it up. She ran out to tell her
friend who plays on the team while I located a dust mop similar to the ones
they use on the basketball court.
It didn't work so well. It smeared all over the place at first but I eventually
worked it in to where you couldn't tell. By this time she had come back with
her friend and was still laughing so hard that her friend still didn't know what
had happened. I told her the story, and the next day at practice the rest of
the girl's team knew what I had done.
So to start the practice off I brought the team together and talked about
rules:
"I stated that I had 3 rules I lived by:
1) Never give up free food
2) Never give up free beer
3) Never give up free sex
But after last night ladies I've added one more rule:
4) NEVER EVER TRUST A FART"
They all laughed, but I never was harassed from then on about shitting on
the raquet ball court.
