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2005 – “Wilmer”
feminist propaganda. But I will get to Abby a little later. First let’s talk about
“Wilmer”.
Is this guy a badass mofo or what? Here are a few things we need to take note
of:
1) Wilmer is trying to help out working class truckers by spicing up their day
with his wife’s titties. Many people may consider this to be perverted, but you
must realize that many people are stupid. I say Wilmer is a hero to the working
class.
2) Wilmer has been trying to convince his wife to flash truckers for the past
12 years. 12 fucking years! That’s over a decade. Let’s put that into
perspective. I am 27 years old. Wilmer has been trying to convince his wife to
flash her titties since I was 15. That means while I went from a scrawny 15 year
old with a few pubes to the 27 year old stud with a pub-fro between my legs
(trimming is for pussies) Wilmer was trying to get his wife to flash her titties to
truckers. That is dedication.
3) How about the Jedi mind tricks Wilmer is pulling on his wife? To recap:
a. “He says I’m not getting any younger and I’ll regret it someday”
- I am fairly sure there are not many grannies sitting around old folks homes
reminiscing about how they did not flash truckers enough.
b. “When I refused, I got the silent treatment for the rest of the trip.”
- Let’s get this straight, if you flash I love you and you’re great. If you don’t
flash….well…fuck it, I don’t even want to speak to you.
c. If she refuses to flash Wilmer tells her the trip was “wasted”
- “Hey Dad, how was your trip to the Grand Canyon?”
- “It was a total fucking waste, we passed at least a hundred truckers and
your mom did not show her titties once!”
At first, I thought that Wilmer was an idiot for trying these transparent Jedi mind
tricks. Then I realized that they were working. If they were not, she would not
have written to Abby and asked whether or not she should flash her titties to
truckers. Wilmer has put enough doubt in her mind that she actually thought
she might be wrong!
Now onto Abby:
Her logic is so flawed it makes me want to throw up. Her reasoning for not
flashing is as follows:
1) It might cause a fatal accident.
- Bullshit! These are professional drivers for God’s sake. They spend hours on
the road and distractions like titties will actually help wake them up faster than
the pep pills they eat like you or I eat M&M's. Flashing truckers might actually
cause fewer accidents by keeping truckers alert.
2) Indecent exposure is a crime.
- While this is true, it is sort of like saying don't jaywalk because it is a crime. It
may be a crime, but cops don’t have the time to deal with such harmless crap
nor do they give a shit. In addition, it does not make it wrong just because it is a
crime nor does it make it right just because it is legal (Cleveland Steamers are
legal).
3) He should get his kicks somewhere other than route 66.
- This shit pisses me off. Anybody that gives advice or justification for
something because it is a popular song lyric or it rhymes or it is an old saying
should be shot on site. This is what people do when they cannot find proper
justification for something. They know that people are trained to accept old
sayings, or popular song lyrics, and that they are basically so dumb that the little
hamster turning the wheels in their head will not be able to run fast enough to
debunk this worthless reasoning. Of course I could be wrong. But remember
that it is best to let sleeping dogs lie and I am bad to the bone.
Congratulations to Wilmer on being our Farteater’s Baddass of the Month for
February 2005
- John
