- Adan is fat!
5/1/05
confessed to being fat. Family and friends were both surprised and frightened by
this admission. It was even harder to swallow when Martinez admitted to being fat for
years.
"It all started after getting out of the Marines when I went to Chico. It started slowly
with a few Round Table pizzas, then some Mexican food, before I knew it I was quite
fat."
From there Martinez spiraled further downward while his waste span continued to
grow. Over eating became such a habit that Adan would order a Round Table pizza
and have the pizza deliver person come into the house so he could pay without
leaving the couch.
Many overeaters like Martinez convince themselves that they have things under
control. Often they tell themselves that a workout kick is just around the corner.
They will go to the gym and pull a hamstring lugging their fat butt around the gym.
Unfortunately Adan was no different.
"My longest workout kick lasted about a week. Then football season started and I
laid on the couch and ordered Round Table. I can't help it, Round Table is so
goddamn good!"
Psychologist John Kunz is an expert on overeaters. He sees many of the character
traits of overeating in Adan.
"The problem with overeaters is that they are fat disgusting pigs. Adan fits into this
mold. He still gets laid more than me which is quite frustrating when you take into
account how buff I am", Kunz said.
Upon hearing Adan's confession to being fat, the attitudes and opinions of his friends
were varied:
"Haha! You bet he is fat champers, but not as fat as me!", said friend and fellow
lard-butt Alex Boufidus.
Known racist and redhead Chris Beaver had this to say, "What do you expect from a
Mexican? Hey when is Patrick Swayze going to move into your barn?"
Adan Martinez has a long road ahead of him if he expects to rid himself of his fat.
Many estimates have him at 95 lbs overweight. Experts agree that it will be an uphill
battle:
Psycho John Kunz: "It will definitely be an uphill battle and the thing about
fat people is that they don't like to go up hills. Adan breathes heavy going
downhill. Plus I don't mind him being fat. He orders pizza and pays for my
food if I pick up McDonalds."
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